With the 1st pick in the Basketball Feelings Feelings Draft, Roundball Rock selects... DEFIANCE

Joey and Sean are two peas that make up the freak pod, Roundball Rock. Roundball is this comforting, joyful, messed up medley of basketball and performance art but less Marina Abramović staring at you unnervingly and more like Joseph Beuys locking himself in the room with that coyote, but the coyote is Brook and Robin Lopez who in many episodes, Joey and Sean will not just impersonate but somehow transmogrify into? They are also my friends, who I’ve written about here, who are kind and curious and funny, who the first time we met we stayed up past 4am three nights in a row in Las Vegas not being wild or cool as much as just walking around, laughing, time’s shadow warping under marquee lights.

Joey Devine:

OK Sean.
It's time.
Time to draft a feeling.

Sean Keane:

So for clarification you and I are Warriors fans from when that used to mean something. And that something was, the team was going to lose 45-55 games every season.

Joey:

So I think what we need to do is watch some highlights of our favorite all time feelings moments, and then figure out which of these feelings are most conveyed. I'll tell you one thing right off the bat though, our history as late ‘90s early 2000s Warriors fans, we for sure won't be drafting bliss.

Sean: 

Bad basketball teams, GREAT Feelings teams.

Joey:

I mean look, before I send you my clip I want to make something abundantly clear. There's one player, my FAVORITE all time player, I think we should be aiming to draft because he's the ULTIMATE feelings player. There's a player who in the short time we watched him would have every single feeling on this list all at the same time.

Sean:

He was all feelings.

Joey:

Every second of every game, he was like the Infinity Gauntlet of Feelings.

Sean:

Inside Out might as well be a movie about his first two years in the NBA.

Joey:

Oh absolutely. Especially because he also moved to the Bay Area as a young man.

Sean:

I feel like he's the only player of my lifetime where it's 50-50 whether delivering a monster dunk would make him burst into tears.

Joey:

I am of course talking about THIS man,

Anthony Randolph.

Sean:

God what a Feelings photo.

Joey:

There's a video on YouTube titled, “Lamar Odom Makes Anthony Randolph Cry” that contains a hard fall that is so insane it's like basketball Faces of Death. And yet, he's not crying because he fell so hard, he's crying BECAUSE he was playing so well and then fell down.

I mean look at this:

Don Nelson takes him out of the game and he's so upset that Don Nelson quietly and briefly caresses his face. Every single assistant coach comes over to pat him on the back.

Sean:

And it's because he attempted to get an offensive rebound from roughly 28 feet from the basket, over and through Lamar Odom, and absolutely believed when he left the ground that he was about to get a put-back slam. 

Joey:

I believed it too.

But here's the thing, this clip isn't very special when it comes to Anthony Randolph on the Warriors. If you watch some of his highlights where he's playing SUPER WELL, like this one:

Or this one:

He looks like he's going to cry, scream, laugh, or throw up — after every single play.

Sean:

He's constantly overwhelmed by, seemingly, himself.

Joey:

Yes. So maybe Rattled is the play here? But I dunno, “Rattled” doesn’t really describe the wild unbridled confidence he also seemingly has at the same time.

Sean:

Now I might be wrong here, but I feel like in the constant menudo of emotions that is Randolph's psyche, this might be the defining clip:

Joey:

Well this certainly is the second clip we're sharing where the announcers are literally making fun of him.

Sean:

There was something about him that deeply offended established NBA people, including his own coach. But again, he is basically every emotion on this list.

Joey:

Now here's the funny thing about this clip, I remember exactly where I was when this happened. And yes, for the true Anthony Randolph heads, this is like the Kennedy Assassination. It felt absolutely monumental even in the moment.

Sean:

Just for some context, Randolph was a 6’11” teenager who didn't start on his college team. And the Warriors maybe jinxed his career when pre-draft, Don Nelson made him work out against the much older/bigger Jason Thompson to sucker the Kings into picking Thompson at 12 so the Dubs could get Randolph at 14. So his career began by his coach intentionally humiliating him.

Joey:

Yes, this is all true.

Sean:

The trick worked, and Jason Thompson ended up playing the most games in Sacramento Kings history. I think JT's emotion is “Lonely”, for the record. Oo I think what we are looking at here more than anything is Defiance.

Joey:

Absolutely. This clip has defiance everywhere.

Sean:

Yelling at a giant All-Star he sort of dunked on, but not really.

Joey:

So the clip starts with Randolph defying gravity by dunking on Yao Ming and then scream-crying in his face. And then the refs defying coolness by giving him a technical.

Sean:

The subtext to every defiant Anthony Randolph yell is him quietly whispering "Help". That is a very 2019 technical foul being assessed in 2009.

Joey:

And then the rest of the clip is just Yao Ming destroying him over and over, in a way defying defiance.

Sean:

It's like if the tank had immediately driven over the guy in Tiananmen Square.

Joey:

Well and you know what Sean? If we draft Defiance, we can also get the another classic Warriors Feelings moment.

Sean:

Yes, and I would like to mention just one more before we get there, which is the first game John Starks played for the Warriors.

Joey:

Oh boy.

Sean:

The Warriors trade Latrell Sprewell for Starks, Terry Cummings, and Chris Mills, who exemplified Defiance when he later tried to fight the Portland team bus.

Joey:

Yeah that clip is unfindable. I search for it all the time. A few years before the Malice at the Palace, Warriors fans basically have a Mini-Malice with the Jail Blazers and Chris Mills is so mad he follows the team bus to the airport with a gun in his car.

Sean:

Yeah it's the one time in history that Rasheed Wallace and the Blazers seem like really calm and rational adults.

Joey:

In a way it's like proto Malice at the Palace. It's the New York Dolls of fan melees.

Sean:

Only a few NBA players saw that fight but each of them started melees of their own.

Joey:

We're off track. Back to Starks!

Sean:

OK, in his first game, John Starks brings all that Starks New York energy and he keeps pointing at the Warriors name on his jersey and yelling "Warriors". Grabs his jersey, defiantly screams. And the Warriors lose their first five games.

Joey:

Another later defiance moment, is the Warriors actually defied our lord and savior Jesus Christ when they fired Mark Jackson.

Sean:

They stood up to the big guy who much like Jesus himself, loved consorting with prostitutes.

Joey:

But ok, we need to talk Manleavy now, right?

Sean:

Look this doesn't really have to do with the topic but I think people always forget that Mark Jackson also got fired because the Warriors weren't thrilled he called in the FBI because a stripper was extorting him. That wasn't the ONLY reason but…

Joey:

What’s wild about that is there was ANOTHER person wearing a wire that season, totally unrelated to the FBI.

Sean:

It's truly insane.

Joey:

But yes let’s talk about the only time any Warrior fan ever liked Mike Dunleavy.

Sean:

So Mike Dunleavy is an NBA son who specializes in outside shooting, which lately has been a tremendously successful combo for the Warriors.

Joey:

Yes. But uhhh not this first time.

Sean:

In hindsight, he had a lot of amazing 2000 Warriors qualities. For one, his college career was sidelined by a case of mono, the funniest athlete illness of all.

Joey:

I would describe Mike Dunleavy's whole deal as, “What if a coach’s son grew up to be a dirty cop?”

Sean:

Yeah extreme Matt Damon in The Departed vibes but with way less charisma.

Joey:

Absolutely.

Sean:

He also had a very late growth spurt that took him from 6'4" and a point guard to 6'9" and a small forward. Which was also very Randolph-esque and something those Warriors could not ever resist.

Joey:

Anyway, a large section of the Warriors’ Asian-American fanbase was EXTREMELY HYPED to draft Yao Ming. But then they got third in the lottery, and ended up drafting Mike Dunleavy.

Sean:

The Warriors had a 23% chance at Yao, and got MDJ.

Joey:

They took him one pick before hometown hero Drew Gooden. So now all of the East Bay fans are also mad at him, and then true basketball people were mad they took him and not Amar’e Stoudemire. Truly no one was happy basically the SECOND they made the pick.

Sean:

He also played the same position as Antawn Jamison, the closest thing they had to a star at the time.

Joey:

Anyway he was like a fine player if you took him like 11th but everyone was mad at him all the time.

Sean:

And look, Mike Dunleavy is probably much more valuable in a more modern context where it was more ok to shoot threes and be kinda soft.

Joey:

And he openly hated Warriors fans and the Bay Area, I think that's the important thing to mention here. The feeling was definitely mutual.

Sean:

His spirit is the exact opposite of the We Believe spirit of 2007. It's not a surprise to me that he thrived after being sent to the emotional desert of Indianapolis.

Joey:

Also I just want to point out that for some reason the Warriors hired him to be in the front office at the beginning of last season and then their team immediately fell apart, and I absolutely blame him.

Sean:

It was like hiring an actual black cat to run across the path of the players every day.

Joey:

So Toronto fans, please thank Mike Dunleavy Jr. for your title. He's AT LEAST as important to your title run as like Pat McCaw.

Sean:

It's like if the Raptors had made Rafael Araujo team president this year.

OK so this clip is titled “Manleavy”:

Even the description says “Mike Dunleavy Jr.'s only spurt of emotion... classic...”

Joey:

Oh before we get into the clip I just want to say that Mike Dunleavy cut my brother in line to get into an advanced screening of Borat, while people booed him. Anyway, MANLEAVY. I was AT this game and it's the only time anyone in that arena was Mike Dunleavy's side.

Sean:

In hindsight this clip doesn't even make sense to me.

Joey:

It didn't make sense at the time dude. He gets his fourth foul and then goes insane.

Sean:

Now keep in mind he is committing a BLATANT offensive foul here. Just rams a dude with his shoulder and then loses his mind on the ref. It's like every moment of frustration of disappointing his father, the fans hating him, no Borat sequel, it all comes out. And let's be honest: Kinda looks like he's gonna ask to speak to the ref's manager.

Joey:

And then there's like a moment after he gets kicked out where he realizes people are on his side for the first time, and then he REALLY milks it. Like as he's walking out and people are cheering him, there's like a moment where you can tell he's really enjoying getting cheers for once in his despicable life and he goes into like full pro-wrestler mode.

Sean:

He's finally achieved his destiny and become a heel. Also these Warriors fans are not like Philly fans, they want to love the guys on the team so badly.

Joey:

Yes that's important. Warriors fans at this point don't really hate their own players.

Sean:

These are the same fans who want Jason Richardson to have a statue, Adonal Foyle is considered overpaid - but beloved. Also this clip really reinforces how huge Mike Dunleavy is despite playing like he's 6'2". Anyway it is PURE defiance and like all Warriors defiance of that era, completely empty.

Joey:

To me the real defiance in this clip isn't really coming from Dunleavy, it's the Warriors fans defying their own hatred of him and rooting for him for a fleeting moment. Look how happy that guy is to put on that Dunleavy jersey!

Sean:

Do you think when Dunleavy gets to the locker room he's crying a little bit?

Joey:

Absolutely not. He got kicked out because he wanted to go home early, it's the ONLY explanation for his behavior. He probably had a screening of “You, Me, and Dupree” he had to go cut in line for.

Sean:

I think it's an explosion of years of pent-up frustration. This does not feel calculated to me. This is a man punching a wall. Look, he's definitely checking an eTrade account once he calms down. It's kind of perfect this happens against the Mavericks.

Joey:

Absolutely.

Sean:

When a year later they form a Voltron of Emotions to defeat a much more talented team in the playoffs.

Joey:

Which in turn leads Dirk Nowitzki to embrace HIS emotions.

Sean:

I guess if I were to pick one final Defiant clip —

Joey:

Yeah pick one this is long. But know I've already walked away from the chat and thrown my Marco Belinelli jersey into the crowd.

Sean:

It's from 2007:

Baron Davis gets ejected for clapping.

Joey:

In a playoff game.

Sean:

Which would not be the only Warriors ejection for clapping in this series!

Joey:

Yeah they kept getting ejected for sarcastic clapping.

Sean:

But there's something so wholesome to me about applause as defiance!

Joey:

Yeah this ruled, I love this. OK so it's official, I'm calling in the pick.

With the first pick in the Basketball Feelings Feelings draft, Roundball Rock selects Anthony Randolph, I mean, uhhh, Defiance. But really it's Anthony Randolph. [Commissioner’s note: It’s Defiance]

Sean:

The lesson is, let your angry young son study abroad. Because going to Europe really helped Ant Rand find himself. Also you can never go wrong throwing your jersey into the crowd, even if you're the worst person in the NBA.

Joey:

Good pick, Sean. We won the draft.

Sean:

I'm glad we didn't trade down for Dread, and a fleeting memory to be named later.